Ugly and Funny Generals, Politicians

By Mortz C. Ortigoza

Psst readers, Caveat Emptor (Buyer’s Beware)! Some of the narration here are satire.
Was it Geoffrey Chaucer who writes that reading was not only to be informed but to be entertained?

Ugly General:Nigeria Defence spokesman, Major General Chris Olukolade

You remembered recently on TV the irritated Senator Teofisto Guingona III grilling the covering up Police General Alan Purisima who lied through his teeth that he did not give an order but advice to Special Action Force commander Napenas? Several years ago a U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat, California) chided U.S Army Brigadier General Michael Walsh for calling her "maam" on the hearing. on the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works on Louisiana Coastal Protection and Restoration Study (LCPR)  in the wake of Hurricane Katrina in June 2009.

U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat,California) chides
Army Brig. Michael Walsh in a Senate Hearing.

SENATOR BARBARA BOXER: My record here indicates the transfer of funds occurred during the fiscal year.
BRIG. GEN. MICHAEL WALSH: Ma'am, at the L.C.P.R ...
SENATOR: You know, do me a favor, could you say "senator" instead of "ma'am"?
WALSH: Yes.
SENATOR: It's just the thing. I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it. Yes, thank you. BRIG. GEN. WALSH: Yes, Senator.
MAJOR GENERAL RONALD HENDERSON:  I can explain, in United States military policy’s explain all senior personnel can be called as ‘sir or “maam” including members of Congress. SENATOR: Thank you General Henderson.
 MAJOR GENERAL: Major!
SENATOR: I though you are a General.....?
MAJOR GENERAL:  Ummm, Major General, West Point graduate, top of the class, four combat tours, Captain, Major, Colonel....
SENATOR: Okay, okay, okay! I got it. You worked so hard for it, I worked so hard for it...
MAJOR GENERAL: Yes maam!
SENATOR: Senator!
SENATOR  FRED CRAWFORD (Who was seated with Boxer): Yes, yes, yes? 
SENATOR BOXER: I mean General Henderson.
 MAJOR GENERAL: Major General!
SENATOR CRAWFORD: General, general, general (He banged the gavel of the committee but hits instead the hand of Boxer).
 SENATOR BOXER: Ouuch!!
 SENATOR CRAWFORD: Where’s the House’s doctor?
DOCTOR: I’m a surgeon, four more years in specialization. I worked so hard to get that title. SENATOR; Put a bedding on my hand, where’s the bedding?
BOY SCOUT: I got one!
SENATOR: God Bless Scout!
BOY SCOUT: Eagle Scout, I worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR BOXER: I knew, I knew! We worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR CRAWFORD: Order, order, order! He banged the gavel again) Where’s the Police Officer:
POLICE: It’s Captain, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing Lady Judge Flemming inside the Senate), Hi Miss Flemming!
JUDGE: Judge Flemming, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing an Indian Chief Great Cloud). Hi Great Cloud!
CHIEF CLOUD: Chief Great Cloud, I worked so hard to get that title.

VIDEO CLIP VOICE OF THE MAN SENATOR BOXER’S RIVAL IN THE SENATE RACE HIRED: Has Senator Boxer worked hard enough. Maybe it’s time to give her a rest. We called her “Senator” for 20 years, it’s time to call her again “Maam”! 
This is a political ad.
 (You can accessed the full parody at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTh0J3VSWcs ).

Ha, ha this should be emulated by our politicians in the Philippines to give more excitement to our already excited and violent election at the same time gives more jobs to those who work on advertising and on TV.
 ***
You remembered then President Erap Estrada’s AFP Chief of Staff Joselin Nazareno chided  by Senator Lito Lapid?
GEN, NAZARENO: No Sir, I am not the ugliest AFP Chief of Staff, it would be future PNP Chief Purisima.
 SEN. LAPID: Don’t call me SIR, I am not a teacher !

Hindi ko tinanggap ang Rosary gave ni VP Binay sa akin

By MARCELO C. ORTIGOZA

Malas ko naman nahuli at namultahan ako ng LTO ng P100,000 sa new Fines' List ng agency.
 Lakas pa ng ulan from Urdaneta City to Dagupan City tapos mahuhuli ka lang ng ganito based on the Onerous (English iyan, means mabigat, oppressive) na Fines List !@#$%^&!

***

A friend asked me at FB kung binigyan daw ako kahapon ni Vice President Jojo Binay ng Rosary noong andito siya sa Pangasinan kahapon.

SAGOT KO: "Hindi ko tinangap iyong Rosario nandiri ako. Pero iyong paldo na pera sa sobre tinangap ko. Nandiri si Binay sa akin! Joke he he

Tanong ng isang kebegan ko sa Face Book si Colonel Pat Pinol ilan ang Mysteries meron iyong Rosary ni Vice President Nognog. 
Dahil ako ay Protestante ni research ko sa mga Catholic websites kung ilan ang power at birtud ng Rosario ni VP NogNog , ito po ang binigay sa akin ng Goggle Search: 

VP Binay's ballyhoed Rosary given to
the Unwashed of the Society.

 A 400-hectare farm in Rosario, Batangas [36]
A 40-hectare farm in Bauan, Batangas [37]
A 10-hectare mango orchard [38]
Two condominium units in Rockwell worth PhP 30 million not mentioned in his Statement of Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth (SALN) [39]
Three story mansion with elevator in Banuyo Street, San Antonio Village not mentioned in his SALN [40][41]
House and lot on Orbit Street, Bel-Air II Village not mentioned in his SALN [41][42]
House and lot in Palm Village, Guadalupe Viejo not mentioned in his SALN [41][42]
Rest House in Tali Beach, Batangas [41]
Rest House in Puerto Azul, Cavite [41]
Rest House in Tagaytay, Highlands [41]
Rest House in Alfonso, Cavite [41]

My earlier photo with Vice President Jojo Binay and former Congressman
Ranjit Ramos Shahani. Taken during the time that he (Binay) was not
yet being demonized by the media in relation to his
unexplained wealth.

Rest House in Zambales [41]
Rest House in Pangasinan [41]
More houses in Parañaque, Pasig, Mandaluyong, and Muntinlupa Cities [41]
600 ghost employees worth PhP 3 million a month authorized by wife, Elenita Binay and Amigas [41][43]
Wife Elenita's link to alleged deception in the public bidding for a PhP 72.06 million supply contract awarded to the Makati City government back in 2001 [41][41]
PhP 40 million bogus charity project for sister city [41]
PhP 27 million bogus charity project for calamity fund for other provinces [41]
PhP 22 million bogus charity project Project Aral Package [41]
PhP 20 million bogus charity project to send ambulances to other cities [41]
Use of Makati Foundation Day funds for a PhP 230 million infomercial being shown since 2009–present [41]
Use of PhP 15 million for the Komiks for Vice President Campaign [41]

May mga bobo ring abugado, ito sila

Sa loob ng Court may hearing, ito ang mga pangyayari:

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Judge, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!

Graham Nash - nangagamot daw ng Almura-Nash

Just composed this song outside our house with a guy named Graham Nash - nangagamot daw ng Almura-Nash

God, save us from “Senator” Manny Pacquiao

By MORTZ C. ORTIGOZA

A presidential poll survey conducted by Manila Standard Today (MST) last May 8 to 18 said that Vice President Jejomar Binay plunged to 28% points while Senator Grace Poe breathes at the back of his neck like an albatross with 24% points.

Davao City Mayor Rod Duterte and Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada were far below with 10% points each.

I don’t know how scientific this 1,200 respondents fairly spread all over the country based on  status of works, ages, to name a few of the country’s demography as polled by veteran pollster Junie Laylo - an in-house surveyor of   MST, but if the next poll conducted by the Social Weather Station and Pulse Asia had covered June 2 to 5 media’s hullaballoo that Poe, a foundling, has been left as an infant inside the Jaro Cathedral in Jaro, Iloilo (psst our ancestral home is just at the back of the church, teh-heh!) by her poor parent to be picked by the daughter of an illustrative family named Jalandoni, gee whiz I bet, Grace poll’s stocks would eclipse those of Binay and dusted off those sorry presidential wannabees trying their best to boost their polls rating.

Filipinos love those with sorry liked stories like the one Mary Grace Poe had.

The survey also tells that if either one of all the putative presidential rivals of Poe withdraw they would vote for the lady senator.

***

Oh, the survey also polled who lands on the Top 12 of the senatorial race in the 2016 polls.

Sad to tell you folks that “si “Push mo iyan ‘teh” former Pangasinan Congresswoman Rachel Arenas, did not make it. If Arenas, who I met at Davao City’s airport last week, was excluded, Sarangani Congressman Manny Pacquiao, known for his patent and scandalous absences in the August Chamber every time it has a session, became shoo-in.

Geez, the guy, known as mambubutas ng upu-an sa Congress (a dead wood congressman), has not yet started to spend in the hustling his U.S $160 million or P7 billion (inclusive of taxes and shares of his team) took on his ho-hum mega fight with boxing king Floyd Mayweather.

I felt sad this clown Pacquiao inclusion for the Magic 12 as his presence would have been an insult to brilliant Senate members that awed Filipinos once a upon a time. 
Names like Jovito Salonga, Claro M. Recto, Arturo Tolentino, Rene Saguisag, and others made us stand tall whenever we remembered how they deliberate on proposed laws on the hallowed halls of the August Chamber. Present breed like Alan Peter Cayetano, Chiz Escudero, Merriam Defensor-Santiago make us stout hearted every time they cross examined their devious resource persons thinking at least taxpayers monies did not go to drain in paying the salaries and emoluments of these solons.

But it saddened me to think how the hell Filipinos voted "simpletons" like Lito Lapid, Abigail Binay, the father and son Revillas, Tito Sotto and now Manny Pacquiao.

Here’s Saguisag, in his letter to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, who reminded Pacquiao that a congressional post means serious work and should not be taken lightly.

He added that if Pacquiao is serious about running for the Senate and even the presidency, then he should retire immediately and do his homework.

Why Are We Poor?

Filipino children grow in numbers like rabbits. thanks
but no thanks to the activist stance of the Roman
Catholic church on pressuring the threatened
 government not to promote artificial birth
control methods. Birth control pills, condoms,
others were given free during the authori-
tarian rule of then President Ferdinand Marcos.

.

.

By Antonio C. Abaya

.

But, to get back to the original question, why are we poor?

Sionil Jose says that �we are poor because we have lost our ethical moorings, this in spite of those massive religious rallies of El Shaddai, those neo-gothic churches of the Iglesia ni Cristo sprouting all over the country, in spite of nearly 400 years of Catholic evangelization...�


�We are poor because we are not moral. Can this immorality as evidenced by widespread corruption be quantified? Yes, about P20 billion a year is lost, according to NGO estimates.

�We are poor because we have no sense of history, and therefore, no sense of nation. The nationalism that was preached to my generation by Claro M. Recto and Lorenzo Ta�ada was phony...

�We are poor because our elite from way back had no sense of nation � they collaborated with whoever ruled � the Spaniards, the Japanese, the Americans and, in recent times, Marcos. Our elite imbibed the values of the colonizer...�

Here I disagree with Sionil Jose. To explain an economic phenomenon like poverty, one must look for economic reasons, not moral or political or ideological ones. To put it simply and bluntly, we are poor because our economy did not and does not generate enough jobs for those who need and want to work. Why our economy did not do so and does not do so can best be explained by six economic reasons:

One. In the mid-1950s, our minimum wage law came into effect. When American firms started to move their manufacturing activities to the Far East in the 1960s, they put up most of their factories in Taiwan and Hong Kong, not in the Philippines, even though most Filipino workers could understand some English (most Chinese then could not), and even though Filipino managers were familiar with American business practices (while most Chinese then were not).

The compelling reason for choosing Taiwan and Hong Kong over the Philippines was: wages then were lower there, and there was no minimum wage law there either. So even though the Philippines enjoyed the second highest standard of living in Asia next to Japan up to the late 1960s, we began to lose that lead to Taiwan and Hong Kong in the 1970s.

Two. In the 1970s, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Singapore deliberately geared their economies to the export of manufactured goods. In the 1980s, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia followed their lead. The growth of export industries created jobs, jobs, jobs, which in turn stimulated the growth of manufacturing industries for the domestic markets, which created more jobs, jobs, jobs. This propelled Singapore, South Korea, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia to overtake us in the 1980s.

The Philippines did not seriously pursue an export-oriented strategy until the 1990s, under President Ramos, but by that time the global marketplace had become over-crowded with the entry of the People�s Republic of China. In the 1970s, President Marcos tried to join the export race, but this was opposed by communist high priests Renato Constantino Sr., Edberto Villegas, Walden Bello and Horacio Morales and their acolyte Conrado de Quiroz, and was deliberately sabotaged by KMU communist labor militants.

In 1965, when East Asia was exporting only commodities, the resource-rich Philippines� total exports amounted to $769 million, while resource-poor South Korea and Taiwan exported only $175 million and $446 million, respectively.

In 2001, after 30 years of manufacturing-for-export, South Korea�s and Taiwan�s exports reached $159 billion and $122 billion, respectively, while the late-coming Philippines� totaled only $37 billion.

So in those 36 years, South Korea�s and Taiwan�s exports grew 908-fold and 276-fold, while ours grew only 48-fold. I leave it to others to calculate how many million jobs we lost by default for not pursuing more vigorously a manufacturing-for-export strategy. Three. Having been left behind by the export bus, we also missed the tourism bus. In 1991, the Philippines and Indonesia drew in the same number of foreign tourists: one million. In 2004, or 13 years later, the Philippines is still struggling to attract 2.5 million, while Indonesia is expected to draw in six million, despite the Bali bombing in October 2002. This year, Hong Kong, Singapore, Thailand and Malaysia are expected to attract 10 to 12 million tourists. Again, I leave it to others to calculate how many million jobs we have lost by default for being such an unattractive place to visit.

Several reasons account for our poor image, the most prominent being: political instability due to coup attempts by Gringo Honasan, kidnappings by the Abu Sayyaf, terrorism by Muslim secessionists, endless insurgency by the NPA. Take your pick.

Four. Having failed to develop a wide manufacturing base during the export boom of the �70s and �80s, the Philippines under President Ramos foolishly embraced free trade and globalization, even earlier and more enthusiastically than much more highly developed Taiwan and South Korea, opening the economy to the products of more industrialized countries, thus sealing the fate of our struggling domestic producers. No wonder an average of 3,500 Filipinos leave these shores every day for jobs abroad that they cannot find here.

Five. As ideologically committed as President Ramos was to free trade and globalization, President Arroyo maintains a bias against manufacturing, preferring to concentrate on agriculture, telecommunications and tourism (kuno). She does not buy the rule-of-thumb that I tried to sell to her: that a hectare of agricultural land, planted to rice or corn, cannot sustain one family for one year; while that hectare of agricultural land, if converted to a manufacturing zone, can sustain hundreds of families. And I thought my logic was unassailable.