Friday, July 10, 2015

Ugly and Funny Generals, Politicians

By Mortz C. Ortigoza

Psst readers, Caveat Emptor (Buyer’s Beware)! Some of the narration here are satire.
Was it Geoffrey Chaucer who writes that reading was not only to be informed but to be entertained?

Ugly General:Nigeria Defence spokesman, Major General Chris Olukolade

You remembered recently on TV the irritated Senator Teofisto Guingona III grilling the covering up Police General Alan Purisima who lied through his teeth that he did not give an order but advice to Special Action Force commander Napenas? Several years ago a U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat, California) chided U.S Army Brigadier General Michael Walsh for calling her "maam" on the hearing. on the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works on Louisiana Coastal Protection and Restoration Study (LCPR)  in the wake of Hurricane Katrina in June 2009.
U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat,California) chides
Army Brig. Michael Walsh in a Senate Hearing.

SENATOR BARBARA BOXER: My record here indicates the transfer of funds occurred during the fiscal year.
BRIG. GEN. MICHAEL WALSH: Ma'am, at the L.C.P.R ...
SENATOR: You know, do me a favor, could you say "senator" instead of "ma'am"?
SENATOR: It's just the thing. I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it. Yes, thank you. BRIG. GEN. WALSH: Yes, Senator.
MAJOR GENERAL RONALD HENDERSON:  I can explain, in United States military policy’s explain all senior personnel can be called as ‘sir or “maam” including members of Congress. SENATOR: Thank you General Henderson.
SENATOR: I though you are a General.....?
MAJOR GENERAL:  Ummm, Major General, West Point graduate, top of the class, four combat tours, Captain, Major, Colonel....
SENATOR: Okay, okay, okay! I got it. You worked so hard for it, I worked so hard for it...
SENATOR: Senator!
SENATOR  FRED CRAWFORD (Who was seated with Boxer): Yes, yes, yes? 
SENATOR BOXER: I mean General Henderson.
 MAJOR GENERAL: Major General!
SENATOR CRAWFORD: General, general, general (He banged the gavel of the committee but hits instead the hand of Boxer).
 SENATOR CRAWFORD: Where’s the House’s doctor?
DOCTOR: I’m a surgeon, four more years in specialization. I worked so hard to get that title. SENATOR; Put a bedding on my hand, where’s the bedding?
BOY SCOUT: I got one!
SENATOR: God Bless Scout!
BOY SCOUT: Eagle Scout, I worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR BOXER: I knew, I knew! We worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR CRAWFORD: Order, order, order! He banged the gavel again) Where’s the Police Officer:
POLICE: It’s Captain, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing Lady Judge Flemming inside the Senate), Hi Miss Flemming!
JUDGE: Judge Flemming, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing an Indian Chief Great Cloud). Hi Great Cloud!
CHIEF CLOUD: Chief Great Cloud, I worked so hard to get that title.

VIDEO CLIP VOICE OF THE MAN SENATOR BOXER’S RIVAL IN THE SENATE RACE HIRED: Has Senator Boxer worked hard enough. Maybe it’s time to give her a rest. We called her “Senator” for 20 years, it’s time to call her again “Maam”! 
This is a political ad.
 (You can accessed the full parody at ).

Ha, ha this should be emulated by our politicians in the Philippines to give more excitement to our already excited and violent election at the same time gives more jobs to those who work on advertising and on TV.
You remembered then President Erap Estrada’s AFP Chief of Staff Joselin Nazareno chided  by Senator Lito Lapid?
GEN, NAZARENO: No Sir, I am not the ugliest AFP Chief of Staff, it would be future PNP Chief Purisima.
 SEN. LAPID: Don’t call me SIR, I am not a teacher !

But Army spokesman Harold Cabunoc, the putative step son of then AFP Chief Nazareno, vehemently denied that such exchanges between Senator Lapid and the 4-Star General Nazareno ensued.
“It’s unfair to make a mockery between an unlettered senator whose election’s victories were marred by his excellent pistol whipping acrobats and back horse riding stunts in movies and TV and the down-to-earth AFP Chief of Staff whose legacy in the country was leading the invasion of Camp Abubakar, Maguindanao flushing the MILF there like faeces”
After that invasion some media reports said that Nazareno and Erap brought through Huey helicopters cases of beers and “tons” of lechons (roasted pigs) for them and the troops to savour in that Bacchanalian Feast of victory at the heart of the MILF camp.
This military chutzpah is being romanticized by Filipinos to be emulated by President Benigno Aquino III in the midst of the gruesome massacre of the 44 police commandos as the solution to crush the rebel problems that acted like a sore thumb in the Southern Mindanao Island.
Erap lately mulled that he would give a run for the presidency in 2016 and repeat what he did to Camp Abubakar. I don’t know if he would bring lechon on that repeat invasion. I don’ know too if Lt. Colonel Cabunoc would be the AFP chief of staff on that time.

After seeing the committee on Law and Order hearing on the Mamasapano carnage this what I blurted out at Face Book to Senator Alan Peter Cayetano’s media woman Ophel Magno Rodeles:

“PRIMUS INTER PARES (First of All Equals). Hi Ofel, please tell Senator Alan Peter Cayetano that he impressed me on his posers on the AFP led by Chief of Staff Pio Catapang and General Ed Pangilinan and the RP Side Peace Panel led by Sec. Teresita Deles at the Senate hearing today. He exposed the ignorance and weakness of both groups. Fel, if you have the transcript of Senator Alan Peter Cayetano questions and the answers of the AFP and Presidential Adviser Teresita Deles and GRP Chief Negotiator Shiela Coronel-Ferrer, please send it to me para magawan ko ng news and analysis. Thanks”
Here's my parodies on those exchanges:

SENATOR CAYETANO: (Mamapasano, Maguindanao) Mayor  Benzar Ampatuan, habang nagbabakbakan (ang MILF-BIFF versus SAF) may nakita ba kayong DRONE sa langit?
MAYOR AMPATUAN.: DROWN sa langit? Di ko ma get Senator tanong niyo pero paano may DROWN sa langit hindi naman iyon ilog o dagat iyon na somebody will drown?
SENATOR CAYETANO: Andoon ho ba kayo noong kinukuha na ang CADAVER ?
MAYOR AMPATUAN: Kada Beer? Paano sila mag Kada-Beer bukod sa marami iyon, hindi na sila puweding uminom ng Beer.

SEN. LOREN LEGARDA:  Mayor Ampatuan, kanina sinabi niyo na may Americano na pumasok doon kasama ng taga Peace Panel sa site kung saan namatay ang SAF-44, talagang Americano ba iyon? (Kasi bawal ang Kano na makisawsaw sa Ongoing Peace Talk- MCO).
MAYOR AMPATUAN: Hindi po, Norwegian po.
SENATOR LEGARDA: Sinabi niyo lang iyan dahil kinorek kayo ni  (Presidential Adviser) Sec. Deles, may Americano ba talaga doon?
MAYOR AMPATUAN: Wala ho maam, Norwegian po kasi bukod sa mataas at maputi siya may dala- dalang magazine na front cover si Nora Aunor at may malaking headline NORANIAN.
SENATOR LEGARDO; Corny mo! Hindi Noranian iyong Kano, NORWEGIAN!

(You can read my selected columns at and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at

No comments:

Post a Comment