Thursday, July 23, 2015

Mangaldan Mayor Bona's 65% mayoralty survey

By Mortz C. Ortigoza

There is a sucker born every minute o sa Pilipino may mga taong naloloko kada minuto. Ayan nasa TV evening news na naman, tag P12 million, tag P16 million ang nagkakawalaan sa mga gustong kumita sa investment scam multi-level marketing’s One Dream Global Marketing Inc. sa Batangas, Pangasinan, at Maynila dahil ang P880 nila after 4 days kikita ng P1,300. Anak ng baka, ano ito bentahan ng shabu? Wala namang ganitong negosyo na kumikita ng 40% kada apat na araw. Kaya kayo na tumataya sa Pyramid Scheme dito sa atin baka kayo na rin ang susunod, sayang ang pinaghirapan nyo na dugot pawis tapos ay  itatakbo lang nitong mga masasamang loob!
Mangaldan Mayor Bona Fe D. Parayno
***
There's a sucker born every minute" is a phrase most likely spoken by David Hannum, in criticism of both P. T. Barnum, an American showman of the mid 1800s, and his customers. The phrase is often credited to Barnum himself. It means "Many people are gullible (psst sa Tagalog “madaling lokohin), and we can expect this to continue. Kayo na nagbabasa nitong column, are you gullible, too?
***
Four years from now, Indonesia which has 2.5 times the 100 million population of the Philippines will have a higher Gross Domestic Product (GDP) per head of $5,515 given expectations that it would have a $1.46-trillion economy—or almost three times larger than that of the Philippines. The Philippines is projected to have a Per Capita GDP of $3,122 (market exchange rates) or $7,320 PPP or per purchasing power under a $493.2 billion economy in 2015. Why we are being left behind by Indonesia that was on its knees on the Asian financial crisis of 1997–1998 and Global Financial Crisis in 2012?
 THE ANSWER IS OUR XENOPHOBIC 60-40% THAT FAVOUR FILIPINO BUSINESSMEN.
Indonesia, Singapore , Malaysia have all the good time sucking all the foreign direct investment (FDI) every year while our pathetic government watch on the sideline wondering what hit them.
Sa Tagalog, wala namang problema kahit sumabog pa ang population natin dahil masarap gumawa ng bata lalo tag ulan ngayon. Pero pag ginagawa mo ang bata sa Pinas na ang problema ay unemployment, hindi na tama iyon dahil wala ka ng maipapakain sa pamilya mo tapos dadagdagan mo pa.
 Hindi gaya kung nakatira ka sa Indonesia na nagdadagsaan na sa industry and service sectors nila ang FDI at mga local investors may sapat na trabaho ang mga tao para pambili ng maka-in nila para may lakas sila gumawa ng maraming bata, este, pangtulong sa future ng kanilang pamilya.
***
A latest well-funded scientific polls says that Mangaldan Mayor Bona Fe D. Parayno has 65% of the votes while Vice Mayor Manny Casupang and Ritchie Abalos have a pathetic 16%, an unspecified single digit, respectively, if the mayoralty election was held on the day the survey was held.
This was what lawyer Joseph Emmanuel Cera, a Parayno unabashed critic and a vice mayoralty timber, when he asked me at Star Plaza how I see the mayoralty race in his burgeoning town.
“Just like my fearless forecast against all boxing analysts in the country of a Floyd Mayweather wins against Manny “senatorial shoo-in God save us” Pacquiao, the boxing, er, election in Mangaldan has been already concluded,” I told him.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Ugly and Funny Generals, Politicians

By Mortz C. Ortigoza

Psst readers, Caveat Emptor (Buyer’s Beware)! Some of the narration here are satire.
Was it Geoffrey Chaucer who writes that reading was not only to be informed but to be entertained?


Ugly General:Nigeria Defence spokesman, Major General Chris Olukolade

You remembered recently on TV the irritated Senator Teofisto Guingona III grilling the covering up Police General Alan Purisima who lied through his teeth that he did not give an order but advice to Special Action Force commander Napenas? Several years ago a U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat, California) chided U.S Army Brigadier General Michael Walsh for calling her "maam" on the hearing. on the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works on Louisiana Coastal Protection and Restoration Study (LCPR)  in the wake of Hurricane Katrina in June 2009.
U.S Senator Barbara Boxer (Democrat,California) chides
Army Brig. Michael Walsh in a Senate Hearing.

SENATOR BARBARA BOXER: My record here indicates the transfer of funds occurred during the fiscal year.
BRIG. GEN. MICHAEL WALSH: Ma'am, at the L.C.P.R ...
SENATOR: You know, do me a favor, could you say "senator" instead of "ma'am"?
WALSH: Yes.
SENATOR: It's just the thing. I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it. Yes, thank you. BRIG. GEN. WALSH: Yes, Senator.
MAJOR GENERAL RONALD HENDERSON:  I can explain, in United States military policy’s explain all senior personnel can be called as ‘sir or “maam” including members of Congress. SENATOR: Thank you General Henderson.
 MAJOR GENERAL: Major!
SENATOR: I though you are a General.....?
MAJOR GENERAL:  Ummm, Major General, West Point graduate, top of the class, four combat tours, Captain, Major, Colonel....
SENATOR: Okay, okay, okay! I got it. You worked so hard for it, I worked so hard for it...
MAJOR GENERAL: Yes maam!
SENATOR: Senator!
SENATOR  FRED CRAWFORD (Who was seated with Boxer): Yes, yes, yes? 
SENATOR BOXER: I mean General Henderson.
 MAJOR GENERAL: Major General!
SENATOR CRAWFORD: General, general, general (He banged the gavel of the committee but hits instead the hand of Boxer).
 SENATOR BOXER: Ouuch!!
 SENATOR CRAWFORD: Where’s the House’s doctor?
DOCTOR: I’m a surgeon, four more years in specialization. I worked so hard to get that title. SENATOR; Put a bedding on my hand, where’s the bedding?
BOY SCOUT: I got one!
SENATOR: God Bless Scout!
BOY SCOUT: Eagle Scout, I worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR BOXER: I knew, I knew! We worked so hard to get that title.
SENATOR CRAWFORD: Order, order, order! He banged the gavel again) Where’s the Police Officer:
POLICE: It’s Captain, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing Lady Judge Flemming inside the Senate), Hi Miss Flemming!
JUDGE: Judge Flemming, I worked so hard to get that title (seeing an Indian Chief Great Cloud). Hi Great Cloud!
CHIEF CLOUD: Chief Great Cloud, I worked so hard to get that title.

VIDEO CLIP VOICE OF THE MAN SENATOR BOXER’S RIVAL IN THE SENATE RACE HIRED: Has Senator Boxer worked hard enough. Maybe it’s time to give her a rest. We called her “Senator” for 20 years, it’s time to call her again “Maam”! 
This is a political ad.
 (You can accessed the full parody at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTh0J3VSWcs ).

Ha, ha this should be emulated by our politicians in the Philippines to give more excitement to our already excited and violent election at the same time gives more jobs to those who work on advertising and on TV.
 ***
You remembered then President Erap Estrada’s AFP Chief of Staff Joselin Nazareno chided  by Senator Lito Lapid?
GEN, NAZARENO: No Sir, I am not the ugliest AFP Chief of Staff, it would be future PNP Chief Purisima.
 SEN. LAPID: Don’t call me SIR, I am not a teacher !

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Hindi ko tinanggap ang Rosary gave ni VP Binay sa akin

By MARCELO C. ORTIGOZA

Malas ko naman nahuli at namultahan ako ng LTO ng P100,000 sa new Fines' List ng agency.
 Lakas pa ng ulan from Urdaneta City to Dagupan City tapos mahuhuli ka lang ng ganito based on the Onerous (English iyan, means mabigat, oppressive) na Fines List !@#$%^&!



***

A friend asked me at FB kung binigyan daw ako kahapon ni Vice President Jojo Binay ng Rosary noong andito siya sa Pangasinan kahapon.


SAGOT KO: "Hindi ko tinangap iyong Rosario nandiri ako. Pero iyong paldo na pera sa sobre tinangap ko. Nandiri si Binay sa akin! Joke he he


Tanong ng isang kebegan ko sa Face Book si Colonel Pat Pinol ilan ang Mysteries meron iyong Rosary ni Vice President Nognog. 
Dahil ako ay Protestante ni research ko sa mga Catholic websites kung ilan ang power at birtud ng Rosario ni VP NogNog , ito po ang binigay sa akin ng Goggle Search: 
VP Binay's ballyhoed Rosary given to
the Unwashed of the Society.

 A 400-hectare farm in Rosario, Batangas [36]
A 40-hectare farm in Bauan, Batangas [37]
A 10-hectare mango orchard [38]

Two condominium units in Rockwell worth PhP 30 million not mentioned in his Statement of Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth (SALN) [39]
Three story mansion with elevator in Banuyo Street, San Antonio Village not mentioned in his SALN [40][41]
House and lot on Orbit Street, Bel-Air II Village not mentioned in his SALN [41][42]
House and lot in Palm Village, Guadalupe Viejo not mentioned in his SALN [41][42]
Rest House in Tali Beach, Batangas [41]
Rest House in Puerto Azul, Cavite [41]
Rest House in Tagaytay, Highlands [41]
Rest House in Alfonso, Cavite [41]
My earlier photo with Vice President Jojo Binay and former Congressman
Ranjit Ramos Shahani. Taken during the time that he (Binay) was not
yet being demonized by the media in relation to his
unexplained wealth.

Rest House in Zambales [41]
Rest House in Pangasinan [41]
More houses in Parañaque, Pasig, Mandaluyong, and Muntinlupa Cities [41]
600 ghost employees worth PhP 3 million a month authorized by wife, Elenita Binay and Amigas [41][43]
Wife Elenita's link to alleged deception in the public bidding for a PhP 72.06 million supply contract awarded to the Makati City government back in 2001 [41][41]
PhP 40 million bogus charity project for sister city [41]
PhP 27 million bogus charity project for calamity fund for other provinces [41]
PhP 22 million bogus charity project Project Aral Package [41]
PhP 20 million bogus charity project to send ambulances to other cities [41]
Use of Makati Foundation Day funds for a PhP 230 million infomercial being shown since 2009–present [41]
Use of PhP 15 million for the Komiks for Vice President Campaign [41]

May mga bobo ring abugado, ito sila

Sa loob ng Court may hearing, ito ang mga pangyayari:
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Judge, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!