Friday, February 1, 2013

Tanga nga Pulitiko



TANGANG PULITIKO

Hearing kahapon ng provincial board about investors who want to plant Bamboo where local folks get jobs on the plywood, tiles, etc that would come from it.
Board Member to Investor: Ano ang Bamboo, tree ba?
I told two old media men: Anak ng baka, lesson noong Grade 2 natin iyan, ah. Kayong dalawa ito ang tanong ko: Ano ang Banana, plant or tree? Media Man-1 said: Plant !
Media Man- 2 disagreed angrily:" Hindi, it's Tree ! Pakingan mo iyong song na "Yellow Bird flying on Banana Tree!"
I asked the same question to another Board Member if Banana is a Plant or a Tree, he told me: Its a Fruit! Magulo na I told myself thus I pulled the passing Head of the DENR,an old man, and asked him the same question: He told me, banana is not a tree, plant, fruit, its a Palm!
"Dios ko, ano ang kasalanan ko sa inyo? Bakit niyo ako ginaganito?," I wept at a corner.

(Tagalog ta anay) Noong sinabi ng old man from DENR na Banana is a Palm, sabi ni Atong na media: Di ba iyong Palm, iyong Mariang Palad?". I cried again

***
PAGONG 

 Isang Pamilya ang magbabakasyon pero Lumubog Ang barKo na sinakyan nila.
 NANAY: kumapit kaung lahat sakin wag kaung bibitaw (Bumitaw ang anak nitong KUBA (BOGTOT in Ilonggo) sa kanya at nahiwalay ito.Pero sa kinasawiang palad Ito lng ang natira sa pamilya nya dahil kinain lahat sila ng pating)
 KUBA:Pating Kainin mo na rin ako wala nang kwenta itong buhay ko dahil kinain mo nang lahat ng kapamilya ko! Wla na riNg saysay ang buhay ko.
 PATING: WAG MO KONG LIN-LANGIN
KUBA:Bakit?
PATING: Pagong Ka !

 ***

PRIMA FACIE

 Here's my real experienced in a press conference sa Manila where the city treasurer, accountant, cashier were sued by the mayor of malversation of funds and anti-graft case because they pocketed millions of pesos.
 (Definition of terms so you can appreciate my anecdote:
PRIMA FACIE (spell "Patsi") :ay isang ekspresyong Latin na nangangahulugang "sa unang enkuwentro" o "sa unang pagtingin or at first blush"
MAYOR: Si Treasurer ay kinasuhan ko na dahil mi Prima Facie, si Accountant at si Cashier ay kinasuhan na rin dahil mi Prima Facie.
 RADIO ANNOUNCER FROM DAVAO (with husky voice): Anong klase kayong mayor! Kinasuhan niyo na nga iyong tatlo, pero bakit si Prima Facie hindi niyo kinasuhan? Sobrang lakas naman niya sa inyo.

 ***

Two New Words for Today: 

1.BAYOTIFUL - Having qualities of a woman who looks like gay, homos, faggot. They called it in Visayas and Mindanao as "bayot" or lalaki nga adunay kaibog nga hilawasnon sa isigkalalaki; bakla; babay. (Bayotiful is shared to me by FMLSM or Federasyon ng mga Mang-aagaw ng Lakas sa M'lang).

2. PUTAGENIC Pangit sa Picture sa Face Book, Pangit lalo sa Personal pag naka-Eyeball mo na.

4 comments:


  1. Bayaning Boyet ha..ha..ha..ha...Brilliant joke! Perting kadlaw ko dri Manong.
    January 15 at 9:49am via mobile · Like

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Fafa Boyet, siempri mortz ang narrator
    January 15 at 10:11am · Edited · Like · 1

    Stellar Panizal Yu HAHAHA MAAYO WAAY MO GIN PAMANGKOT KUNG ANG KAMATIS NA BELONG SA FRUIT, VEGETABLES OR TREE?
    January 15 at 10:16am via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Luz Cartagena Balancio hahaha...perti gid kadlaw q cni

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mortz C. Ortigoza Bakit Fafa Boyet, you like Maria, too?
    January 15 at 10:29am · Like

    Bayaning Boyet I don't like Marianng Palad. I masturbate!
    January 15 at 10:30am · Unlike · 1

    Mortz C. Ortigoza Nilipat ko na itong Post sa 12 thousand members TMKI, para ma experienced man nila ang quality humor and anecdote
    January 16 at 7:28am · Edited · Like · 1

    Bayaning Boyet I love your humour, Manong!
    January 15 at 10:40am · Unlike · 1

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Bayaning Boyet, (tagalog) iyan ang epekto sa pagsasama sama ko sa mga taga-Squatters noong maliit ako. My parents wish that I go with Baptist kids who religiously went to Sunday Schools. Thus, this is what happened to me. A BIG JOKE at FB. Hikbi!
    January 16 at 7:28am · Edited · Like · 2

    Rolly Coronica ...haha!
    January 15 at 6:42pm · Unlike · 1

    Ricky Flores ok mortz ah. I miss your stories under the ilang-ilang tree along the two concrete benches at SBC every 4 pm. Remember?
    January 15 at 6:53pm · Unlike · 2

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Ricky, (Tagalog anay) inom tayo pag uwi ko ng Mlang. How's your cousin iyong Kapitan ng Barangay?
    Noel Cunanan Sibala @ Mortz : Bwahahaha K.O.L. gid. Kadlaw Out Loud gid Mortz.
    January 16 at 7:43am via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Noel, idol guapo. (Tagalog na lang bai, medyo asintunado Bisaya ko): Iyan ang epekto noong lumaki ang Mortz na tsoy-tsoy and tonto
    January 16 at 7:51am · Like

    Noel Cunanan Sibala @ Mortz the great/mas-guapo: ok Bai/T.O.L. - tawa out loud nalang TOL. Te tagalog ko iya tol? Masaya pala dyan sa probinsya ninyo Mortz. More power to you Bro !!!
    January 16 at 8:07am via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Ricky Flores sa davao na sya naga stay mortz did2 sa anak nya nga chemist sa San Mig Plant. Palahubog gihapon to.
    January 18 at 4:27pm · Like · 1

    Miles Zychamore Delos Santos hahahaha,.. like it!...

    ReplyDelete
  3. REACTION ON "PAGONG"
    Yvonne Grace Salazar Campaniel nyaaa..ha..ha..ha..makadula sang homesick!
    January 20 at 11:59pm · Unlike · 1

    Mortz C. Ortigoza Ang Joke na iyan ay dedicated in the Honor of my late swimming mate (Mlang river) Bogtot Ati (when he was still straight) and before Boyen Pancho, Brian Plaga, Rene Rene Juario Novisteros, Rene Balenas, Jotay, and Dagul influenced him to join the "Bakla World".
    January 21 at 5:17am · Like · 2

    Bing Necesito hagaha thanks gid sir bisan mingaw kmi dri mkabasa gani sang joke mo nagahatag gid sa amon inspirasyon to the start a new day with a big smile thanks @Mortz C.Ortigoza
    January 21 at 9:02am via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Bing, hindi lang ako pagtawga "Sir" hindi ako police. Just call me Mortz na lang
    January 21 at 9:21am · Like · 2

    May Ladigohon ajajjajjajajajaja ka pilyo gd ky toto mortz ah...
    January 21 at 10:45am · Unlike · 1

    Bing Necesito cg ah mortz nlang ah damo gid ko kadlaw if mkatamvay ko dri sa tmki ibspirasyob ko gid ini lalo na f inaatake na ako sang homesick
    January 21 at 1:37pm via mobile · Like

    Jerry Reyes Akala ko sabi ng pating, huwag na tits butiti ka hak......
    Nenen Racheal Orcajada Gaje bwhahahahhahahaha
    January 20 at 10:41pm · Unlike · 1

    Bing Necesito nadale na hahaha
    January 20 at 10:44pm via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Bayaning Boyet abaw grabe man ang brahakhak ko dri ba!
    January 20 at 11:06pm · Unlike · 2

    May Ladigohon ajajajjaajajjaajaja ay ay man gravi gd timo toto mortz mag pakadlaw ah...

    ReplyDelete
  4. REACTIONS ON "BAYOTIFUL":


    Carolene Tayong Vasquez hahaha buang kaw
    January 26 at 12:07pm · Unlike · 2

    Malditang Sweet pacopy!! hehehe
    January 26 at 2:51pm via mobile · Unlike · 1

    Beverly Pancho hahahaha.
    January 26 at 8:09pm · Unlike · 1

    Angela Guevara haha,,,;-)
    January 26 at 8:42pm · Unlike · 1

    Maybelle de los Santos Ha ha ha ha! You never run out of kabayotan! Mwah!
    January 28 at 6:05pm · Like

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Maybelle, kamusta ka na bakla?
    Leah Gimpesaw jejeje cguro may panget ka na naka eyeball kuya noh?hahaha
    January 28 at 11:27pm via mobile · Unlike · 2

    Maybelle de los Santos Wahahahaha! Dungol!
    Wednesday at 8:54pm · Like

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @maybelle, sobra lamig dagupan ga kagab i, off ko na aircon kuarto ko kada gab i, siguro ga gloves na kmo da baguio?
    Thursday at 8:20am · Like

    Maybelle de los Santos Indi lang gloves, To! Apat ka sampaw sweater ko, ga medyas pa ko, ga jogging pants ga gloves kag ga muffler pa gid. Luwas sina, tatlo pa gid ka sampaw habol ko. Daw winter kag!
    Yesterday at 6:26pm · Like

    Mortz C. Ortigoza @Maybell, sang sa PMA pa ako, compara karon sino ang mas tugnaw?

    ReplyDelete